I recently read an anonymous post by a young woman. She had separated from her husband, was working hard, raising a child and used to managing on her own.
But she did not want to keep living this way: work, housework and nothing else. She wanted to grow and live differently. At the same time, she was afraid of loneliness. She had no close friends and no one to turn to for advice.
She asked a psychologist for advice. I replied: it is understandable to feel afraid. You are going through major changes in your life. Right now, it is important to give yourself time.
Imagine you have decided to renovate your home.
First you move the furniture out, strip away the old wallpaper and remove the old flooring. You look through everything that has accumulated over the years. Some things are ready to be thrown away. Others you want to keep because they still matter to you.
Everything is in a mess. The room is empty and unwelcoming. Sometimes you even wonder why you started. But you know what you are doing it for.
Life can feel similar.
After separation, there is more to adjust to than your husband no longer being beside you. There is also a past to look back on: what was valuable, and what you no longer want to carry into your future.
What do I want? What do I enjoy? Who do I want to become? How do I want to live?
You do not have to know the answers straight away.
If it is difficult to make sense of this on your own, you can turn to a psychotherapist. They will not tell you the right way to live, but can help you understand yourself better and find your own decisions.
You do not have to rush to fill the empty space with a new relationship, tasks or responsibilities simply because loneliness is frightening.
Sometimes, for something new to enter your life, you first need to make room for it.
And give yourself time.